Subject: Church Mess

Dear Steve and Shirley, I am a 30-year-old educated single female that is heavily involved in the church.  I met a guy that is a preacher, we met during a church service and I instantly fell in love with him.  Needless to say we got involved in a relationship and got engaged.  About 2 years into our relationship, I found out his ex-girlfriend was pregnant.  At the time we were 3 months from our wedding date, dress, shoes, etc were already purchased.  I was royally pissed!  I talked with the girlfriend and apparently they never stopped dating.  Now his son is almost 2 years old and he is getting married next month.  Guess what?  We’re still sleeping together and have been for a year now.  His fiancé has no idea we were sleeping together.  I see her at church and everything but we don’t speak to each other.  I want to tell her about us just to be revengeful but then again I don’t.  That will only destroy her but also this church we’re going to.  He says he wants to stop but I know that ain’t true.  Because as long as I’m giving it up, he won’t say no.  Now, I have stopped receiving his calls and going to this church something I should have done a long time ago but he is getting married to this girl and she doesn’t even have a clue.  Should I tell her?  Signed, Ms. Lady.

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  1. Ms Lady, You are everything but a lady.

  2. Fay R says:

    OMG girl…..Are you crazy are just stupid, first of all STOP sleeping with this creep, and don’t say anything to her, and If I was you I wouldn’t go back to that Church, this is too much drama, honey move on and let this mess go, its over he chose who he want to marry, all yall going to hell…..be glad you dodged that bullet, what do any of you go to Church for, it aint doing yall a bit of good, sleeping around like that, listen to the word be a better person grow in the spirit, don’t be a fornicating fool….! SMH Lawd help us !!!!!

  3. I DON'T HAND HOLD says:

    Well Ms. lady how do rationalize church and fornication? Tell the fiancé, what? This preacher ain’t preaching the word of God! What do yall do at church, since the bible isn’t referenced at all? Does he give speaches? I’m just curious. This is some Tom Foolery! I would say you are blocking your blessings. I have no words.

  4. JAZZ says:

    If you have stopped communicating with him and stopped going to the church, what would telling his fiancé do for you, other than make you feel better? If that situation is truly behind you, leave it in the past where it belongs, he is her problem now, and keep moving forward with your life.

  5. DCHtown says:

    This letter is conflicting in so many ways, but the first is this: How are we Christians engaged in so many carnal affairs?

    You claim the man you love is a preacher, yet he is fornicating with not one, but at least TWO women? What does he do when he gets to scripture that admonishes fornication and deceit, just skip it? I can never fully wrap my head around preachers who teach one thing, but live another.

    People may see this as me being judgmental, but we cannot ascribe to two sets of principles when we are Christians. We cannot have the rules in the Bible, and then the rules in the Bible that we like.

    The second is this, what happened with your relationship? Did you stop the engagement only to keep sleeping with him? He wasn’t good enough to marry, but was good enough to continue to go to his church (until recently) and good enough to continue to allow him access to your body?

    I do wish you the best, but if you are truly the Christian lady you claim you are, don’t wreak havoc on this other woman’s life. She will see him for the wolf he is when it is time. Besides, you won’t be telling her because your HEART is in the right place, you’ll be telling her because your ANGST and HATRED is in abundance.

  6. Monty says:

    You may be 30, educated by book standards, yet you are uneducated in the written word of the Lord. Being heavily involved in church, don’t mean the word of God is heavily in you. Cuz you & your preacher man are not living in the true light/wisdom of God. You reap what you have sew. Leave that girl out of the mess you created and let her have peace & happiness. Go find a “love of your own.”

  7. Sandy says:

    This woman has it so twisted she played the game and lost now you wants to play dirt because you lost? Seems like, if I am reading this correctly you have been having an affair with this man for 5 years and he did not choose you for whatever reason, you had it right cut your losses and leave him alone, you are young and will find someone else that will not take a 5 year investment to see you are the one.

  8. In the first place Ms Lady as you call yourself, a real lady would not want someone else’s man. A real lady would have a man of her own. Next, why would you start or continue or even engage yourself in such a situation as this. God really don’t like ugly. Apparently you are not well rutted and grounded in God as you think you are . Women are supposed to be submissive to their OWN husband’s and not someone else’s. You need to reevaluate yourself and your true motive’s in all of this mess. Truly you don’t know your own value. You should never come second to know other woman if you are in a true relationship. I just pray you come to yourself and realize this behavior is not of God. And as for him, don’t think he is going to get away with what he has done. Proverbs 15:3 says “The eye’s of the Lord are in every place. He watches over the evil and the good. I can see that you have a conscious, and that’s a good thing. But you can change all of this. ” I pray that you have learned your lesson and take this situation as a test and trial and ask God to forgive you for your sins and He will, because your sins are the ones you have to deal with and answer to, not anyone else’s . Be blessed.

  9. Ruler1iam says:

    You are the one who doesn’t have a clue. You’ve already told her about the two of you. When a person continues to sleep with a individual after finding out they are sleeping with someone, you are telling them it is okay to behave that way. So you have two women that have gave this man the green light to sleep around. This is the classic case of a PIMP in the PULPIT. Before you leave the church you should stand up and make a confession so the congregation will know about him. Guess what I bet you are not the only woman he is sleeping with at your church and elsewhere.

  10. Aisha says:

    You need to keep your big bazoo out of their business and get yourself right with God! Your moral compass is seriously bent. Stay away from that church, and stay away from that three-legged so-called preacher. She’ll see him for what he is eventually.

  11. vana says:

    LW: Your first mistake was instantly falling in love with him. You should have cut off all ties when you found out about the ex’s pregnancy and never looked back. Be glad you neither married him nor had his baby. These religious men are the worst at relationships. They claim to follow the word but they treat women horribly. If a man tells me he attends church, I will avoid him.

  12. A Lady says:

    Dear LW,

    YOU “instantly” fell in love with a man who was nothing more than a liar/cheater who used Christianity as his “façade” to get what he wanted. You never mention how you found out that his so called “ex-girlfriend” was pregnant. Once you found out, you foolishly talked to the girlfriend instead of dealing with the man who had been lying and using you the whole time. The worst part is that you CHOSE to continue sleeping with the very man who had LIED and USED you for two years. Why? Do you not value yourself more than that?

    This so called “preacher” was sleeping with you and another woman at the same time. The other woman is now the mother of his child and that is the woman he’s planning to marry. Why you would chose to continue giving your body to a man who has LIED to and USED you all this time is beyond me. You’re not “winning” anything. You’re just showing that you – a supposedly “Christian” woman – are no better than he is.

    You spoke to his fiancé so she obviously knows or suspects that you and her “man” were together. She is foolishly still choosing to marry him in spite of this so let her marry him. Make no mistake that he’ll continue to cheat on her during their marriage.

    You’ve stopped receiving his calls and hopefully are no longer sleeping with him. Continue to move on with your life and reconnect with God and be the Christian woman that you profess to be. God forgives us all for our mistakes and he’ll forgive you for yours. Do not let this man back into your life.

    In the future please start conducting BACKGROUND CHECKS beFORE instantly falling in love with the next wolf in sheep’s clothing. A background check would’ve revealed that this man had a child – information that I’m sure he never revealed to you. It’s a shame that the constant lies/deceptions for selfish agendas have become the norm in today’s dating world forcing single individuals seeking true love to become that much more guarded.

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