Subject: He’s Not Ours, He’s Mine

Dear Steve and Shirley,

I have been friends with my best friend for over 10 years, we’re both approaching 30 and are at different places in our lives.  I have a live in boyfriend and we have a son together.  She is single with no kids and has been for 3 years.  Although we live in different states we visit one another throughout the year.  The issue that I’m having is that when she visits me she is extremely flirty with my boyfriend.  Hugging, sitting on his lap, playful banter etc.  While I don’t see her as a threat and I am 100% certain it’s innocent, it still irritates me.  I talked about the issue with my boyfriend who also notices her behavior but it’s awkward for I’m to not accept a friendly hug or push her off his lap when she plops down unexpectedly.  At this point I’m not sure what to say to her to avoid hurting her feelings or making her feel bad about it.  But if nothing changes it will cause strain on our friendship.  So, what can I say to her or what advice can I give my boyfriend to politely disengage her?  She is an extremely sensitive person.

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  1. JAZZ says:

    Sensitive or not, she needs to be taught or reminded to respect boundaries. Think about it this way – I bet if she has a married sister, she’s not sitting all in her brother-in-law’s lap like that!

  2. Fay R says:

    OMG …..girl boo, sitting on his lap……ain’t that much friend in the world, that is inappropriate and he should say something, there are boundaries in friendships, are you sure he don’t like that because it sound to me like maybe he likes it too much, you gone look up and he gone be hitting her on the side if he hasn’t already, you should say something, it’s certain stuff you just don’t do, what kind of friend is that, I can’t see that as too innocent, were they friends first, it just don’t sound right to me, and you not feeling that way for nothing….threesome on the way chile !

  3. Pearl davis says:

    She ain’t too damn sensitive to sit on his Damn lap be real you about to lose a man and girlfriend and he as a man should push her ass to the floor she sit or temp to sit on my man lap she not your friend and there’s no innocence in what she’s doing she a lil undercover ho freak in the closet and you should take her as a threat cause he ain’t pushing and she still pulling

  4. LaQuanda says:

    Hi Morning Show,

    I cannot believe someone wrote such a dumb letter, evidently this person does not have common sense. I would have checked her out the gate, it is just somethings you do not do. Either this friend has done this to her in the past, and this is pay back or neither one of them have good sense. These are grown women not kids on the play ground.

  5. Well for the sensitive friend, you just might have to be blunt and straight forward with her, let her know that no other woman should know what it feels like to touch your man, she crossed boundaries, and I’m sure she will be OK with keeping her hands and butt to her self, and as for the boyfriend he needs to ask her not to touch him ever again and let her know it makes him feel uncomfortable,,

  6. Anita says:

    First of all, when did this behavior start? You might want to question why she feels so comfortable doing this and think this is okay. Think of it this way, that if you owned a antique or very expensive piece of furniture and your friend went to place a ice cold glass of water on it, would you not say something. Feelings hurt or not I would protect what’s mine and politely snatch her but up off his lap. “Don’t play the radio or you’ll get turned off.”

  7. MThomas says:

    She should have said something the 1st it happened! Since they both have let it go for so long her friend thinks that it is okay. To me as a woman friend or not no one will get that close to my man. Its always the ones you don’t see as being a threat are the ones you need to watch out for. She also needs to check her friend and her man when it 1st happened!!! Because in some way shape or form they both think that type of behavior is okay!!!!

  8. Yvonne says:

    Friend…what about what she is doing say friend?

  9. Sounds like your problem is soon to be bigger than u may believe. There are levels to a friend. She’s not a friend because girlfriend, she wants your man for sure. There is no nice way to put her in her place. Very sensitive, Lol…I don’t think so.*Stop being blind to what’s going on right in your face.

  10. Like Steve said, this is not your man’s place to say anything. This is something you must handle yourself.

    She knows good and well what she is doing. She trying to get a rise, and hoping he will respond to her advances.

    Yeah, you need to check her with the quickness. If she jumps on the defensive, then you know she had an ulterior motive.

    I’m gonna tell you something else, even our best friends want what we have for themselves, so remember that.

    Your title of this letter is what you tell her, and if she really is a great friend, she will apologize and back off.

    No need to go back and forth with her, just make sure when you all hook up together in the future, you spend time alone with her, and maybe have your man invite one of his male friends as her date, and go from there.

  11. Steve and Ms Shirley, I listened to the letter this morning. Smh!!! I that young lady was her real friend she would never disrespect her or her boyfriend in any manner whatsoever. She better pay close attention to her friend and for God sake, don’t trust her around her man. obviously she wants what she has. Very disrespectful!!!!

  12. Shontae says:

    I don’t care how sensitive she is she is 30 years old she should no better than sitting on her best friend lap wtf wrong with her. Push her ass off I bet she want do it no more.

  13. Ruler1iam says:

    Best friends usually can talk about anything. TELL HER. I can understand your boyfriend is in an awkward position. She has been around longer than he has so he is unsure how you would respond. Give him the green light to push her off. She had an issue because at almost 30 she should know that a woman doesn’t sit on another woman man’s lap. Don’t leave her alone with him.

  14. Relationships are always a moral dilemma when there’s more than 2 people involved. Girlfriends with frumpish eleemosynary incendiary actions are deemed a threat. Loneliness, plagued with covetous incontinent behavior serves an appetite for devious seduction. Excogitate a simple plan for truth. Yield to the possibility that your friend needs some male reassurance and is insecure about her own sexuality. To continue unchecked will cause ill-temped malign behavior. You man could and she would and probably already have. Can you live with that?

  15. Tracey says:

    I agree with Steve, you brought your boyfriend into this situation so the only thing that you can do sweetie is FIX it yourself. I strongly suggest that you have a one on one with your friend about personal space and respect. Truthfully, she should know that she is violating the friend and woman code, this is flirtation at its finest. Touch can be very sexual and can make a lot of suggestions. She either will take it in a way where she will respect your position or another way where she will feel some type of way. Either way this will be fresh off your chest and she will respect your boundaries and know that you have limitations when it comes to your man and that’s the bottom line. Let her know how you feel!

  16. Anjie says:

    Tell your girlfriend, “Honey, I love you to pieces, but I’mma NEED YOU to stop sitting on my man’s lap. Real talk.” End of conversation. There isn’t THAT MUCH sensitivity in the whole entire world…

  17. Kenneth says:

    Be straight forward! Let her know that her inappropriate behavior of making your man’s lap her parking spot and all other dislikes you have has to go.. And let your man know that when she does things like that put a stop to it… She can only do what he allows…

  18. Toni Brown says:

    She is your friend and she is jealous of your relationship and lonely. She wants what you have and you need to put her in her place because she is being disrespected. However, who cares about her being sensitive.

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