Subject: I can’t stand my man’s family

Hello Steve and Shirley, I have been with my man for 3 years and we are talking about marriage and we plan to purchase a home together. I love this man and I really want to be with him, but I am scared to marry him because marrying him means marrying his family. His family is extremely dysfunctional. My family is not perfect, but his family is the worst I have ever seen. There are very negative, jealous and envious. His mom says things to intentionally upset him. Some weekends he has to work and his mom has asked him if he was worried about me cheating on him while he’s at work. His family makes comments like, “Wow, you still have your car. It hasn’t been repossessed yet?” I told them that I pay my bills and I have never had a car repossessed… Who thinks like that?!  I do not invite them to my home, because they act doggish and they try to eat up everything. They also will steal stuff out the bathroom, like body wash and soap. The brothers and sisters could start fighting each other at any time. It is always drama when it comes to this family and the police are called to their house regularly. I cringe when we have to go visit them and we limit our visits to maybe twice a month. My man always tells me to ignore his family and don’t let them come between us. But if I marry him, I feel like I am also marrying this dysfunctional family. I don’t even want them at my wedding. What should I do?

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  1. I DON'T HAND HOLD says:

    You should elope. Only go to their house, that way you can leave. Drive separate cars if you have to. Look for a job out of state, and move.

  2. Delanie Neal says:

    Go to the Justice of the Peace or a destination like Vegas or and Island!!! Let your man know that you only commit to being in there presents 3-4 times a year, max!
    Also, get some holy water and put it in a spray bottle and have in your purse along with a bible when they are around!

  3. Fay R says:

    LOL…..girl been there done that one…..let me tell you, it won’t get any better if you marry him, they are not going ANYWHERE….so you better think that one through, I was in a jacked up marriage like that and they will eventually break yall up for sure….you have some big decisions to make….they do come with him….If you can help it put off the marriage…talk to him about how things will be with his family….get some ground rules…..crazy don’t change !!!

  4. Monty says:

    Dear heart I understand your situation! Have a dysfunctional family of my own. I choose and chose to keep them out of my life. It is the only way I could create a peaceful and beautiful life for myself. Toxic and negative people will rub off on you if you stay around them too long. I love them, but from afar, just don’t do holidays or anything else w/them and don’t care what they say or think. I refuse to be around stinkin, thinkin, folks…Period. You have the right to choose who you allow in your life and who you want to keep out. Love your man and don’t leave him due to his crazy family. You are not marrying them, but yes marrying into his dysfunctional family; but you exercise your right to keep them out of your life and let him deal w/them.

  5. Misty says:

    So I was in a similar situation. My fiance and I have been together 2 yrs and I hated his mom’s guys. Things were really bad and me and her hot into a couple verbal altercations. But I never back down. It wasnt until he got tired of hearing my mouth behind it and he talked to his mom. I’m not crazy, i know she don’t like me but the feeling is definitely mutual. We are civil to each other but that was only after I had enough and if he can’t understand u are grown and will not tolerate the disrespect them he not for u.

  6. GeorgiaPeach says:

    DO NOT DO IT!!!!! You have to think ahead when you have children. Are you willing to let your children stay at their house, be around them, etc. You and him may be able to work through it on your own terms, but when the children come, you WILL HAVE to allow them to be around their parents. They are going to want to be involved and you are not going to want to allow it and you will look like the bad person. It will drive a wedge between you and your man.

    If you’re unable to have children or don’t want children, then maybe. You said it…when you marry someone, you marry their family. Unless you plan on moving away from them, it’s going to be problems.

  7. Shakeyl Taylor says:

    I think it’s more to this story. If they stay in the same area then the family know her to see & talk about her where about & thing about her. Far as her making her car note. She may have had alot of repo or not good in paying bills. She don’t have to marry the family. She’s marrying him SO they need to keep that separated. Expressed her concerns to the guy that she’s married & let him know that she cannot marry him under those circumstances. Then it’s up to him to handle the situation with his family.

  8. Here it is! I’ve been waiting on a letter like this because I always knew I wasn’t the only person that’s ever gone through this. DO NOT MARRY HIM! PLEASE DON’T! My son’s father didn’t introduce me to his family until after six months, and that’s because I threatened to leave him if he didn’t. I thought he was trying to hide something from me, like me being the chick on the side instead of his girlfriend. Man was I wrong! He was trying to hide his crazy ass family! He’s got 19 aunts and uncles, and half have been to prison for rape, robbery, shop lifting, using stolen credit cards, breaking a girlfriend’s child’s leg, incest, high speed pursuits, domestic violence, and that’s not all. Mama starts drinking at 8:00am and by 3:00pm she’s stinking drunk and ready to physically fight her neighbors. Nobody works a decent job if they work at all, because nobody graduated from high school. Since I have a good job they tried to get him to ask me for money, and because I refused his cousin told him she saw me coming out of a crack house because I wouldn’t let him use my new car to take her out of town. He wrecked my previous car going the wrong way down a one way street. I ended up getting sued and my car insurance cancelled because of his horrendous driving record. He ended up being just as ghetto as his family. Do not marry him!

  9. Straz says:

    Dear baby girl run. Listen to Steve he knows what he is talking about, that’s real.

  10. Abbie says:

    I completely understand where she is coming from. My husband comes from a dysfunctional family as well, but I didn’t marry his family, and above all my husband knows his family is dysfunctional, so with that being said we see them very sparingly. If you love that man then marry that man period. As long as he loves you, and cherishes you then forget about his family. Haters are going to hate, so let them hate family or whomever. Don’t allow them to have you miss out on your happiness.

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