Subject: I have a side dude

Hey Steve and Shirley, I’ve been with this guy for 9 years, since I was 17 years old. He is 6 years older than me. In the beginning, we argued a lot. I’m not happy and haven’t been in a while. My man works, cooks, treats me well, pay bills, etc. We recently got engaged and had our first child this year, but I’m not so sure I want to be with him forever, because our sex life is off and on… we can go weeks without having sex. Now the plot really thickens, because for the past 4 years, I’ve been having an affair. Me and my side guy meet up at our homes or at a hotel. The side guy has two kids and a baby mama that he claims not to be with, but they live together at his mom’s house. The side guy and I have great sex and he is very affectionate. We have great conversations, but he doesn’t have his finances in order. What should I do? I’m torn between the two guys and I’m not even sure if I deserve to be in a relationship at all. Please help.

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  1. JAZZ says:

    You think you have 2 guys, but you really don’t even have one. Doing the math, the dude @ home is 32, trust and believe, if you aren’t sexing him for weeks, somebody else is. And as far as the other dude, if you believe he’s living with his baby mama but not being intimate with her, dream on!

  2. Fay R says:

    Girl Boo…!!! This is how people get killed, drop them both if you not happy, don’t just settle to have a man in your life, you do deserve to be in a healthy relationship and this is not healthy, there are diseases out here and you are not being honest, and why in the world would you get engaged to this man you are not even happy with, “HOT MESS”, you asking for trouble, just talk to your guy and let him know how you feel maybe yall can work through this and maybe not, but don’t mistreat people you can’t get anywhere in life being shady…!!!

  3. Your man deserves a better woman. I feel you should tell him the truth so that he can move on. Sad part is he will be hurt and damaged. And may not be willing to be so kind to the next woman. Are u even sure the baby is his?. Please don’t marry him. Only to divorce within the year. Your are a poor excuse of a woman.

  4. Monty says:

    You are just stupid, selfish and disrespectful to your husband and your baby. You also are a poor wife, mother and woman. Let your good hard working husband go, so a real woman can show him honest love and support. Be w/your jobless, cheating side kick; cuz he is what you deserve.

  5. Felipe Smith says:

    Good morning. This is the question,”Who that baby papi?!”

  6. Lisa says:

    How does she know that her baby belongs to her fiancé and not her side dude????

  7. Elaine Collins Richardson says:

    She’s not torn between 2 men but between being carefree or single vs being committed. She’s been with the guy for 9 years (probably her 1st love) but she now knows more about sex and can compare. She knows he do not “satisfy” her and knows he’s not for her for the rest of her life. Whatever they are arguing about was not revealed buy I’m sure there is more than sex issues to this story. She’s experimenting with the other guy and know he has nothing to offer…but he’s good in bed…. She holds on to the long term boyfriend for what he has to offer her with finances and stability of home, family, etc. I would advise her not to marry him and to go back to school, find a job, concentrate on makin,g herself self-efficient, independent, and able to provide for herself and her child. If she cares anything about the long term boyfriend she should stop USING him when she knows she is not in love with him. Don’t make the situation worse by marrying him then becoming his cheating wife, losing her home and child b/c of her infidelity, or worse….Like Steve said, “someone may get kill” in this situation. I would not want her marrying my son in this situation. She is a woman without personal substance and looking for someone else to give it to her. I tell my daughters “give yourself the cake. Anything else is icing on your cake.”

  8. Brad grimes says:

    She is the argument, Her man is grown mentally and physically but she is only grown physically. Mentally she is still a child stuck on childish things.
    You said he is cooking, working, paying bills and treating you well so what are you doing?
    He better remove himself and his child from you and your childish ways before you destroy what he is attempting to build with you

  9. Shelia Agnew says:

    It’s people like this that put others in prison or in a cemetery. Oooh! I know, I work at a prison.

  10. Walter B. says:

    You right about one thing, you don’t deserve to be in a relationship. I’m pretty sure he is saying thing about you.

  11. LadyDee says:

    You have a great guy and a worthless side guy. Side guy is bringing nothing of value into your life. If you think your baby’s father is worth less than that side dude you’ll find out how wrong you were when side guy becomes your only guy. How dare you bring the side dude into the home the real man is paying for. You should be ashamed of yourself! Your are very selfish as a “finance” and as a mother. Stop cheating on the real man and work of that relationship. If you’re not willing to change your behavior, I hope your man comes home unexpectedly and catches your trifling behind in the act.

  12. Tony M says:

    Just want you to be clear on one thing…….he is not the side guy……you are the “side chick”!

  13. Tianna says:

    Y’all missed one thing does she really know that the baby is her boyfriends.

  14. John says:

    If your man wasn’t the great guy that you make him out to be I would tell you to get yours’. But since you make him out to be a good man, I say shame on you! You don’t say that you don’t like sex with him, you are just not getting enough. With all that your man is doing, maybe he is tired. Maybe if you found other things to occupy your time, you wouldn’t feel like you are lacking in the amount of sex the two of you have. It seems to me that your man is doing all the work and you have a lot of free time on your hands. This is what happens when men take it upon themselves to do everything for the woman. Women need something to do, or they will find someone to do. When your man finds out what you are up to, I hope the other man is ready to take you in. Unfortunately, I have heard this story one too many times. You really should be ashamed!

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