Subject: Makes me want to throw up my hands and holler

Dear Steve and Shirley, My husband and I have been together over 14 years  and we’ve been married going on 6 year.  Since we said I do he has cheated on me.  I found emails from his mistress dating back to just a year after we got married.  I have found phone numbers to escorts, one of which he called on Father’s Day  He has sent pictures  of his private parts to a high school friend that he reconnected with on Facebook.  For most of this year he has been unemployed he cannot get a job because he had to wait to get clean from smoking weed.  He got clean enough to apply for a job and is awaiting the outcome of a background check.  We have not had any money coming in since May and I don’t anticipate any coming in until around November.  Now with all that said I am one angry sister.  I love him but love don’t pay the bills.  Perhaps I could tolerate the situation more if he was taking care of the house.  Oh yeah, did I mention that his mother lives with us.  Steve, Steve, Steve, I see a small light at the end of the tunnel he is close to getting a government job and a steady paycheck but I think our relationship is wrecked.  I don’t trust him and in all honesty I am with him to get our sons through school and to make me whole again.  Is that wrong?

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  1. Fay R says:

    OMG…..you have your OUT honey for the hills, and please don’t look back…men understand two things …PAIN & CONSEQUENCES….!!!

  2. JAZZ says:

    You sound confused and your letter confused me. Are you saying that if he was taking care of home he could do whatever he wants to do? Or are you saying that his behavior is unacceptable, period? Because if it’s the latter, while both of y’all have been sitting around not working you have had plenty of time to address these issues if your relationship is a priority, and it doesn’t sound like you have. And if you’re not going to tolerate that behavior then what are you waiting for, he has shown you who he is, job or no job. Make a decision and move on with life.

  3. Ruler1iam says:

    “Since we said I do he has cheated on me”. No my sister this has been going on for 14 years! Who is working up in your house? It sounds like you don’t have a job either nor is his mom helping out. You say you are sticking around to get your sons through school and make you whole again. What do you think they are witnessing? You have proven that you can manage without him, so why do you stay and let him disrespect you in such a manner? Either put him and his mom out or save your money, get your own place and leave.

  4. He has NEVER been faithful to you. Don’t you realize you could be HIV positive at this very moment? HE WILL NEVER STOP CHEATING! Now marinate on that for a while. He don’t give a damn about you are them boys. What kind of example are you setting for them? You’re teaching them that this is the normal way men are supposed to treat women. Why do you think most of us sisters aren’t married? Because we grew up in households like yours. He married you so you could help him take care of his mother, because he never loved you enough to be the type of husband God intended him to be. Do you work? If you don’t you better get out there are find you a job. You don’t have the type of husband that allows you to be a stay at home mom. Move out, take your kids, and leave him there with his mother until he can prove to you that he’s a real man, not a pitiful excuse for one. I don’t believe him at all about that government job. Leave him. You can do bad by yourself. Make him prove he’s willing to fight for his family.

  5. Monty says:

    Yeah you are dead wrong! You should be angry only w/yourself for allowing this foolishness to go on so long. You sound like a weak, spineless female, with low or no self esteem to accept this from a man. You can get your children through school w/out a sorry male like your husband if you want to. Stop crying and get your ass out of this dark, negative situation and move towards light and love and surround your children in it; you will never be whole in that situation.

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