Subject: Should I trust my wife?

Dear Steve and Shirley, I have been with my wife for over 8 years and we’ve been married for 3 years. My wife is the love of life, the apple of my eye and I wouldn’t be where I am without her. I have some jealous tendencies, but my wife has never given me reason not to trust her… until recently. Last week, the alarm on her phone was going off and she had fallen asleep in the other room and didn’t hear it. When I went to turn the alarm off, there was a text from a “male co-worker” on the lock screen asking, “What are you up to tonight?” So, I opened it and began to read through the text thread. 5 or 6 messages up, he made a reference to oral sex. I immediately woke my wife up, before I went into meltdown. She said she ignored the message and didn’t entertain it, since they talk like she’s one of the boys. I told her that she needs to shut it down immediately! She told me that she doesn’t have any friends to talk to because her  female friends are all really flaky. I told her no man would ever say something like that if he didn’t have sexual intention. I know I shouldn’t have gone through her phone, but I’m at the point of going to talk to this male co-worker man to man. Am I over reacting? Should I be concerned or just trust what my wife says? Please help me!


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  1. vana says:

    You were right to demand that she shut it down with her male co-worker. No man should be texting anything like that with a married woman. You should be able to trust your wife. She needs new female friends.

  2. Hell no you aren’t over reaching! That type of conversation with a male coworker is totally inappropriate. You have every right to be suspicious. That line about preferring to talk to men because the women are “Flaky” is some bulljive. Let her know you are on the alert, and watch her like a hawk without her knowing your watching her like a hawk. Tell her your going out of town or something one weekend and survey her “Cheaters style”. That will tell you all you need to know.

  3. Good Morning All,
    LW I think you should trust your wife, especially if she has never done a thing like cheating. You already told her end things with the co worker and if she doesn’t then y’all need to have a serious talk. Don’t go putting your hands on this guy or even talking to him, clearly he isn’t worth a thing but trying to get oral sex from a married woman. He is so low but that’s not for you to worry about!
    Best Wishes!!!!

  4. Ron NC says:

    First you are right in being skeptical about your wife. You saw the messages so don’t put yourself in denial about does she have a side piece. Now for straightening the man who wrote the text you are wrong! That guy is like any other man out here. You can’t get her to talk on the mic unless she wants to speak. Your grief and anger needs belongs with your wife. Your choice is to watch her more closely or separate. For all the men out there who want to pounce on a man because her said something to your woman. Its up to her to push the breaks first. If she doesn’t she wants the action.

  5. Casey says:

    You should be concerned. You are not overreacting. I am a woman but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a man only speaks to a woman in this manner if he has already, previously had some sort of sexual relationship with her. You did right by waking up your wife and telling her to shut it down. I hate to say this but she is lying. You should be concerned and you should talk to the co-worker.

  6. Casey says:

    She is not one of the boys so why talk to a married woman in that fashion. It’s total disrespect for the co-worker to talk to your wife in that fashion and if she was a real married lady, she wouldn’t be entertaining that type of talk around her.

  7. Casey says:

    I’ve been with my husband for going on two years in March. There is no way that my co-worker would speak to me like that I keep it strictly professional in the office and I respect my co-workers and they respect me. Time to put your foot down.

  8. Keke says:

    I’m like drake, no new friends. You should be all the friend she needs. Especially when this guy is talking about sex! Rather she ignored the comment or not, out of love and respect for you (her husband) she should have stopped talking him on a personal level. I don’t want to put any thoughts in your head (You know your wife I don’t) but maybe your wife have other intentions. Do you have friends of the opposite sex? How would she respond if it was the other way around? Are you still the man she married? Did she tell you about this co-worker? Why or why not?

  9. Yes, absolutely. If your wife is that close to have a text message from a man from her job speaking to her in this disrespectful manner. Than you deserve the right as her husband to speak to him. It may be face to face or through text. If you really want to find out the truth…. I would send a text message from her phone as her to find out what she is really doing. Or you can confront him man to man. But he’s opened the door now you have every right to walk through it.

  10. I DON'T HAND HOLD says:

    I don’t believe in doing things that gives the impression that something untoward is going on. The fact that she values this guys friendship over her marriage gives me pause. Her excuse was lame. When you know a person is married there are boundaries! Ignoring a comment like that does nothing. This man needs to know he was out of line, and not because the husband read the text. If you blame the husband or use him as an excuse, that says it’s okay as long as the husband doesn’t find out. I think the wife is playing with fire. Once trust is gone, it’s hard to get back. I would continue to try and reach her. She wouldn’t want another woman talking to you that way, and she certainly wouldn’t want you talking to another woman that way.

  11. baronbruce says:

    WTF you mean you shouldnt have gone thru her phone???? dude take off those tight panties and put some boxers on whydontcha !!!

    “She said she ignored the message and didn’t entertain it, since they talk like she’s one of the boys. ” Bull-S%&^, whatevea…. screw the intent nonsense, no man talks like that unless he’s already HITTIN’ THAT!!”

    ” She told me that she doesn’t have any friends to talk to because her female friends are all really flaky.” Translation= SHE’S A HOE, anyone knows hoe’s dont have female friends because they cant trust her… and now YOU know why !!!

  12. John says:

    If this man feels comfortable enough to make comments to your wife about oral sex, then there is more going on than your wife is admitting to. No straight man makes reference to his boys about oral sex unless its telling his boys about some women who did the favor. She is not looked at as one of the boys. And why is this male coworker texting a married woman asking her what is she up to tonight? What does that have to do with work. This is why unless it is absolutely necessary, coworkers do not need to be exchanging numbers. Especially men and women. And stop thinking that you shouldn’t have gone through her phone. If you can, do it! Every married person should check their spouse once in a while. Relationships get stale and people stray. Whatever you do, do not approach the man. Your wife is the problem, not him. I assure you she is entertaining him. More than likely she has already given him some or at least talked about it. If it were me, this would be enough to make me leave her. If you don’t leave her, then you need to shut this situation down immediately and forbid her from calling, texting or receiving calls or text from this man. Also forbid her from seeing this man outside of work. If she refuses to do so, bounce! Don’t let your wife play you for a fool.

  13. Lost It All says:

    Good Morning all. To the writer of this letter. I want to tell you like this. Your issue is not with the writer of the letter but your wife. I can see if this is something that has been going on for a while and she tried to stop it but can’t. This is something that has just started.You have to give her the chance to stop it on her own. She will do it if she loves you. You have no business talking to the guy because you don’t know how she acts when you’re not there. Don’t leap into action yet. I am not going to tell you to clone her phone or anything due to the fact that obviously there is not a lock on her phone. Just be very observant for now. You know your wife inside and out. Her ways will let you know if something is going on. Don’t be jealous. It will drive you two apart. Time to get your self esteem together.

  14. Valerie says:

    LW –
    I believe you are overreacting. Did your wife respond to the emails? Did you give your wife time to speak to the guy about the text messages? Has your wife ever displayed any reason for you to be jealous. If not, then you need to allow her to handle this. I have all male friends because I enjoy the conversation…I love football and cars and we have great conversation without being intimate. Take a step back, explain to your wife you will need for her to curb this conversation and relax dude. If you don’t, you may mess up something good.

  15. Nicole says:

    I think you should first have an honest, sincere, deep heart-to-heart talk with your wife about how this is making you feel as her husband. Let her know that this is not healthy for the marriage or the family (if you have kids). This type of behavior is leading your marriage down a dark road that could lead to nothing but heartbreak and instability. First ask her some honest questions like “Do you love me?”, “Are you still in love with me?”, Do you desire to be with someone else?”, “Do you feel complete and happy with me?” Based on her answers, or lack of answers, first see God on how to approach these answers, them wait on Him for His Word. That doesn’t mean you have to allow yourself to be disrespected, but just seeking Him on how to deal with the issue. Everything you do, do it with calmness and nonmalice intent. However, if you feel like it’s too much for you and you’re going to hurt her, yourself, or someone else, leave the house and get out of the situation immediately. Violence is not worth it. I pray for you brother that you make the right decision (regardless of what it is).

  16. doris says:

    shaking my head first and far most he or she started out with what you up to tonight??? maybe not the first time asked and he or she is a co-worker sexual harassment .being married shouldn’t no one be texting nothing like that to a married woman phone she has no friends but her friends are flaky… dude read between the lines…………he should have a peace talk with his wife and ask her to be honest damn she was in the other room sleep

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